Today, was definitely a crazy day.
A plethora of emotions, from anticipation and dread, to disappointment and contentment.

The first moment when I saw my results was this complex mix of relief and disappointment, as my teacher flashed out my result slip and said, 'Congratulations, you did well.'
I saw the line of Bs at the first few subjects and my heart immediately sank, my tears hanging at the tip of my lash line, as i mouthed 'This was worse than i expected....' and then continued with 'but i don't know what to expect.'
My tears refused to fall, as I sat scrunching up my face like an idiot, not knowing what to feel.

However, as i walked towards my friends who were anxiously waiting for their turn, i broke down and cried. It's just this, release of emotions that I'm not even sure what it is. I was just thinking of how I've disappointed myself, my family and others. In fact, I felt angry. Angry at why i didn't do my best for my H1s, why I have to screw up during my A levels despite performing well for prelims.

And then I remembered God. The God that i believed in. Regardless of the fact that I'm not in any religion. I promised that i will be contented if I can just enter uni and i prayed for Him to show me the way.

He did. I'm not devoid of options. I do have a choice. And I'm contented that it is not any worse than this.
I'm grateful and relieved for everything. Truly, truly thankful.

As i decide on the next course in my life, I pray for Him to lead me. I shall not let my A levels be the determining map of my life. It will be a stepping stone but never the determinant.


& I also hope that my friends, who are going through setbacks, would get passed this ordeal. It just breaks my heart to see their disappointment and loss of hope. ):